"He liked good food, good wine and pretty women."

I have seen this description, word for word or in various permutations, many times over the years and three times in the last week.

Its always used to describe a man of the world, a wealthy man, a man who strives to be on top or who is a pretender to such lofty heights. It is always used as a distinguisher, something to set the man apart from other men. Or as a way to emphasize his success.

I have heard it used to describe Orson Welles, Howard Hughes, President Taft and Al Capone.

And every time I hear it or read it I think the same thing.


WHO THE FUCK DOESN'T LOVE GOOD FOOD, GOOD WINE AND PRETTY WOMEN? HOW IS HE ANY DIFFERENT FROM 99.9999999999% of the rest of us. HE CAN JUST AFFORD THEM ALL!!!!!!!!

Want to know more about me?

I "like" a candlelit table at Il Mulino on West 4th Street, with a a gorgeous woman -raven haired, tall, bright eyes, big breasts, perfect ass and an MFA in English lit from Princeton but she owns her own investment bank and a house in the Hamptons.

Bring us the freshly cut Parmesan, the sauteed mushrooms, the buffalo mozzarella and tomatoes, the garlic lobster and the tiramisu. Pour me the Merlot, the Bordeaux, the Pinot Noir. Send me the single malt liquor, the Veuve Cliqout champagne and the Sambucca.

OKay, okay, that's not what I really "like". Now for the truth.

I'm headed to KFC for some chicken, slaw and biscuits, drinking some Pabst Blue ribbon beer and shots of peach brandy, maybe some jug wine later. Me and my horsey-faced, fat bitch, unemployed, 75 IQ of a girlfriend are gonna kick it on the couch to some Backsteet Boyz and then Jackass: The Movie.