Some ways I am celebrating President's Day
-Seeing no Lincoln/Washington/Roosevelt nativity scene in Times Square I am calling City Hall to ask why the liberals are committing a "A War on President's Day"
-Buying on-sale mattresses for the homeless - if you are going to sleep on the street you should at least take care of your back
-Sit in quiet contemplation trying to remember what it was like to actually have a president
-Completing work on pigeon feather and condom reproduction of Mt. Rushmore
-Working on Presidential humor stand-up routine. Having trouble with Rutherford B. Hayes and William Howard Taft knee-slappers
-Still fuming over merge of Washington and Lincoln birthdays.