Monday, June 12, 2006


Where will it end?

It started with ESPN, late at night, televising Lumberjack competitions and dog shows.

Then it was poker and competitive eating contests. Whoever thought you could have two guys doing play-by-play for poker?

NOW, RIGHT NOW on ESPN 2 they are televising a Dominos tournament from Las Vegas. All of the guys are from Jamaica. These two dudes are actually doing play-by-play on DOMI-FREAKING-NOS.

"He decides to start with a double three, he has no trays left. HE HAS NO TRAYS LEFT."

What's next? Coverage of?

-Competitive shitting? The split-screen overhead cameras, the from the bowl POV camera, a limit on the number of TP squares that can be used. Two breathless announcers commenting on every plop, squirt and explosion?

-LIVE from Modesto California, the annual Janks family Father's Day BBQ Lawn Darts competition. BTW, who thought that arming children with pointed, spiky 12" darts was a good and safe idea.

-1st ANNUAL Internet Flame Wars. Watch raptly as basement bois, sockfuckers and pasty faced Columbine wannabes diss each other in chat rooms and message boards.

"Oh, Tim, did you hear that zinger, I think Oliver Simpson is one insult away from going postal."