Monday, February 20, 2006

"The Week" magazine reports this week that "Three years ago the Internet was virtually unknown in Iraq. Now there are almost 300,000 Internet subscribers. There are 215,000 subscribers to the state owned ISP and tens of thousands of other users, Internet cafes are sprouting everywhere."

The phoenixnyc has reached out to its many contacts on the ground in Iraq to gauge the effects of the technological revolution in Mesopotamia.

He is what we discovered:

"I cannot believe what we have been missing" said Mustafah Habib, a local death squad member. "Finally, I can see the "Girls Gone Wild: Basra Beach Party Video" and look at all those funny celebrity mug shots on the ""

"Also I had no idea so many Nigerians are sitting on a fortune and are willing to share it. I'm going to be rich."

Said Nina Rahman of Tikrit "I signed up for Apparently I am not hot. But I will submit a picture without my Burka next time."

"MySpace has allowed me to connect with people all over the world who share my interests. I have found people all over the U.S. who share my interests, religious fundamentalism, guns, and Hot Pockets. Yum. I love Hot Pockets" -Mohammed "Big Mo Mo" Randle-el.

Said general Buff McGrath of the Marine Corps, "winning hearts and minds is key to finishing with a happy ending to this clusterfuck, we think there is no better way to do that than using the Internet." The General provided us with a list of suggestions for Iraqis on how to use the Internet to improve their lives. Millions of leaflets are being dropped around the country.

-Use Ebay to sell those precious artifacts you looted in the first month of the war

-Use Ameritrade to buy Haliburton stock

-Use the FTD website to order flowers and chocolates to shower on your liberators

-By using emoticons you can break down the misunderstandings among Kurds, Shi'ites and Sunnis. No two nations who use smiley faces have ever gone to war

-Mecca CAM, need we say more

Yes, the dawn of a new era has arrived in Iraq. Freedom is on the march.