Friday, February 10, 2006

Jesus Saves, but Gretzky gets the rebound, he shoots, he SCORES!!!!!!!

That's one of my favorite sports lines of the 80s. THE GREAT ONE is on thin ice now. Sorry I couldn't help it.


The scene: I'm sitting at a restaurant table last night in midtown. I'm enjoying a hot bowl of New England Clam Chowder, some Shrimp Cocktail and Baked Halibut; a really fat, thick, monster piece of Halibut.

A cretin of a man behind me, breathing loudly through his nose, and making squishing, slurping, dribble noises with each bite he takes has me on edge. I pray it will stop. It doesn't.

My hair stands on end. My nerves are raw. My hand is shaking. I can't take it anymore.

I stood up, grabbed my Halibut, and bitch slapped him across the face with it. He was dazed, he choked slightly, he gargled. I bitch slapped him across the other cheek, he turned red and dropped his chunky head on the table. I threw a $50 bill on my plate and walked out, feeling much better about myself and the world.


Have you ever heard of the Honey Badger? I hadn't either until 3 days ago. I was sitting in the chair at the barbershop across the street. The TV was on a nature special about ferocious animal. "After the break, we look at ""The Honey Badger."

Hahhahahah. Everyone in the shop laughed, I mean how ferocious could anything with the first name "Honey" be. Then I recalled a college girlfriend from Texarkana name Honey...a story for another day.

The how come back on, and there is the Honey Badger. Black, whit a white top, sleek fast, mean ferocious. At 1/8 their size he's chasing down Leopards and Lions.
This animal has been labled "pound for pound" the most ferocious animal in the world. He also likes eating honey.

He feasts on snakes too. Two of the MOST poisonous snakes in the world the cobra and puff adder. He chases them down, takes their bites to the head and kills and devours them in less than 5 minutes.

Finally one particular goes after a Puff Adder. A puff adder can kill a man or Wildebeest with a single bite.

In one case they showed the puff adder biting the honey badger on the face. The badger shakes it off and kills the puff adder. He starts eating the puff adder. Two minutes into his meal, the badger curls up and dies.

Or so we think, he wakes up a few hours later and without missing a beat finishes eating the puff adder.

This is my new favorite animal, finally replacing long-time favorite, The East African Naked Mole Rat.