My fearless predictions for 2006

-In response to the growing trade deficit with China, Congress passes a resolution making Egg Rolls "Freedom Rolls."

-Bush declares "Major Combat Operations in Iraq Over"...again.

-The Bird Flu will kill people worldwide and FOX NEWS will report millions of Muslim birds dancing in the streets across the Middle East.

-The Illuminati will have a banner year in the field of world domination, their "useful idiots" in the U.N. will implement their call for a resurgence of burnt offerings in the public sphere.

-Defying the odds of longevity and continuing to mystify pop culture mavens, Abe Vigoda will continue to live.

-Yet another guy in Times Square wearing a sandwich-board stating "The End is Near" will be horribly disappointed.

Feel free to make you own fearless predictions.