All your base are belong to us.

All I got is a red guitar, three chords and the truth, all I got is a red guitar, the rest is up to you.

Explaining the American Press

1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the
country.

3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the
country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.

4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country
but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like
their statistics shown in pie charts.

5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running
the country -- if they could find the time -- and if they didn't have
to leave Southern California to do it.

6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the
country and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.

7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's
running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a
seat on the train.

8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running
the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably
while intoxicated.

9. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country
but need the baseball scores.

10. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure
there is a country... or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose
all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the
leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs who also happen to be
illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy provided, of course,
that they are not Republicans.

11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the
grocery store.

12. None of these is read by the guy who is running the country into
the ground.